using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I touched a dick in church today
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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