omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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