im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
