last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
