if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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