She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize