Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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