I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
