Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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