There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
vagina is talking i cant
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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