i barfeds in our rink
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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