Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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