i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
