she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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