i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
