Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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