the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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