He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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