Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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