Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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