This is not my ceiling
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
