Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
