Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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