He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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