I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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