She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize