Everything about him screamed your future.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
