When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
