It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize