Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so that wasnt chicken after all
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
