OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
