just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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