I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
