we have pet lesbian snakes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
