That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
