could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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