You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
