If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
