What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
