Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
