It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
