there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
