currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
