my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Randomize
