is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
