If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
