Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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