I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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