I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She bit a glass in half.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
