you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
