I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
