why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
