Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
