Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
