Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
