I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
