I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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