oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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