Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
