i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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