So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
