Yo dont text me then not text me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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