Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
