I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
