i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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