woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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