I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
