remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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