You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
