the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
