So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize