I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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