im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
