I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
