Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
