Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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