the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
