I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
