Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
