Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
