Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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