who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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